Wounded Retirement

Careers led most, if not all of us, into the competition arena. Securing the job, learning new procedures, personalities of co-workers and managers; eventually, our competitive nature took our character over, vying for advancement. This type of environment can be excellent for those who thrive in sports, even with a military career will survive and advance. The moral, value, compassionate individual may be swallowed up, by the competition; or they develop dual characters, one for family, church, and friends, another for a career. We all have heard reference of the career employee or manager. The person, who uses their career character for advancement, knocking others out of their way, positioning a comrade for failure, not giving their actions a second thought.

Family indoctrination of morals, values, love thy brother/sister, traditions, maintaining our sights focused on those family intensities, that type of focus is one of the challenges that pushes us into competition for advancement, more money,  a better home, toys for the family, vacations for the family, providing for all their needs and wants. Our religious instructions teaches compassion, turn the other cheek, aid thy brother/sister. Can we succeed holding on to this type of conscience? Two sides of an individual competing in a competive world.

Competition creates feelings of triumph, jubilation, the accomplishment of victory. The opposite is also correct, defeat, exhaustion, resentment of losing that promotion, the one that was locked in our sights.

“the concept of resentment was most fully dissected by the Catholic philosopher, Max Scheler. The German thinker defined resentment as “a self-poisoning of the mind” that is “a lasting mental attitude, caused by the systematic repression of certain emotions and effects which, as such, are normal components of human nature. Their repression leads to the constant tendency to indulge in certain kinds of value delusions and corresponding value judgments. The emotions and affects primarily concerned are revenge, hatred, malice, envy, the impulse to detract, and spite.”” By Martin E. Marty | February 9, 2017, https://religionnews.com/2017/02/09/whats-ressentiment-got-to-do-with-it

Loss of a position, a potential partner, friends, family and most importantly respect. One must be aware of how competition will turn into resentment taking control of our minds, our being. Competitive thought creeps into family interactions, relationships, friendships, child upbringing.

The personality of the individual who holds on to family value, morals and compassion may be result in the loss of advancement, helping thy fellow worker, may actually turn out to be strategy by thy fellow worker to take that advancement out from under you.  They may be vying for a position you wanted. We work years maintaining our competitive nature or resolve to defeat.

Entering retirement years with a competive nature is one of a poisoned mindset that begins the retirement journey with a cynical mind. A hurdle to overcome when moving into an active retirement community. Joining social clubs, tennis, pickleball, drama clubs, wine clubs, hundreds of opportunities. Clubs formed as non-profits to aid the thousands spread out through our community needing assistance. Assisting low income families, homeless or needy veterans and their family, all these causes and more are highly needed and honorable to aid in the need.

After many years of working for corporations where the competitive personality has been a dominant trait, may not fit well in our true nature. We want to revert back to our true nature, family morals and values, that is a high priortiy as an individual seeking time to heal from competitive wounds. This need is recognized by anyone within your new community with a cause, non-profit, club, belief, whatever, you will be wide open for those with a competive mindset. Their cause, need or belief may not fit well with your family tradition, mental healing from years of a competitive mindset.

You might want to experiment with the organization or individuals campaign to see how effective you can beor want to be. Your reaction to the hard drive, that their organization will pressure you in to committing your time and healing process for them. If you are a person who works well autonomously groups may not fit your need. If you are an individual who has outside the community interests, like politics, may not offer,you time to committing to the needs of a newly formed non-profit. Joining clubs, religious organizations, non-profits within our retirement community, will commit you to twenty hour work. Joining organizations outside the community, will allow you some down time.

“In summary, Scheler is exposing the human experience of resentment. It goes something like this: A person recognizes a true value and is being called to internally assent. For example, “I should help my neighbor who is in need.” The call, however, is denied and repressed, or is done but without true love: “I’m not going to help. I’m too busy, and I don’t like that person,” or, “I don’t like that I had to help that person.””

The call or the consequences, however, do not just fly away. They actually deepen and decay within the person’s conscience and psyche: “I should have been more kind,” or “I can’t believe I was pressed into helping.” Rather than acknowledging his selfishness, the person feeds resentment: “My neighbor should be able to take care of himself. Why is he asking me for help?” Father Jeffrey F. Kirby, Jan 28, 2018, CRUX CONTRIBUTOR

On call twenty-four hour within your retirement community. Does that fit into a good healing process? Leave one career that caused ill feelings on to now live within a community fill with ill feelings.

Didn’t we take our time in preparing for retirement, financial stability with this stage of your life in focus. Travel, spiritual healing, mending past relationships, focusing on the ending process will be what we need. Being pressured by fellow retirees could end up causing the return of resentment.

Special interest groups may get in your face expecting to convert you to their interests. Disguising friendly conversations or dinner invites with hidden agendas. Eventually they will reveal their agenda, as well as their true nature.

Maintain the focus on yourself.








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